Chrissy Teigen has opened up to her Instagram followers about how she has struggled to come to terms with the loss of her third child, Jack, on Sunday.
The model, 35, announced the heartbreaking news that she’d lost her son Jack when she was 20 weeks into her term due to multiple complications in October last year.
Chrissy, who decided to go tee-total one month after her loss, admitted she ‘hasn’t processed’ the death of her baby and no longer has alcohol to ‘numb the pain’.
Reflection: Chrissy Teigen has opened up to her Instagram followers about how she has struggled to come to terms with the loss of her third child, Jack, on Sunday (pictured with her husband John Legend)
In a photo accompanying the heartfelt post, Chrissy cosied up to her husband John Legend, 42, as they laughed in a booth at the New York City restaurant Franks.
Chrissy recalled how she and John have been patrons of the restaurants for ‘maybe 13, 14 years now’ as they ‘used to live just a couple blocks away’ in the Big Apple.
During the post she also detailed her complicated relationship with alcohol during that period of her life: ‘I’d sit there with my multiple double vodka sodas and get day drunk by myself (this is not a brag lol I was basically a functioning alcoholic) then buy hats I didn’t like or need,’ she wrote.
‘Deep pain’: The model announced the heartbreaking news that she’d lost her son Jack when she was 20 weeks into her term due to multiple complications in October last year
Chrissy continued: ‘[I’ve] just reminiscing about New York a lot lately, when things were simple, thinking about all the stuff I’ve done and been through not just this year but in my life.’
She admitted: ‘I’m slightly down lately. It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out ‘my third baby is here!!’, as in cookbook, then realized my third baby will never be here.
‘Then I realized i threw myself into the book to not think of the real, actual third baby. I don’t really feel like I fully processed jack and now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just…there, waiting to be acknowledged.
‘I guess what I’m saying here is life is so fucking complicated. and get the lasagna??? wow this was a rollercoaster !!!!!’
Chrissy recently said writing her third cookbook Cravings ‘quite literally saved’ her and helped her cope with the loss.
‘Things are just waiting to be acknowledged’: Chrissy revealed she had realised she threw her energy into writing her third cook book and hadn’t fully processed the tragic loss of baby Jack
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But reflecting on the proccess this weekend she revealed: ‘I realized i threw myself into the book to not think of the real, actual third baby. I don’t really feel like I fully processed jack and now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just…there, waiting to be acknowledged.
‘I guess what I’m saying here is life is so f**king complicated,’ Chrissy admitted.
Chrissy announced the heartbreaking loss of her third child on Instagram in October last year, telling her followers at the time that she was in ‘the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before’.
She explained: ‘We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough.’ ‘
‘We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever,’ she mourned.
Forever Jack: Chrissy announced the heartbreaking loss of her third child on Instagram by telling her followers she was in ‘the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before’
Chrissy – who has children Luna, four, and Miles, two, announced her decision to quit alcohol just one month later.
She told her followers at the time: ‘I was done with making an a** of myself in front of people (I’m still embarrassed), tired of day drinking and feeling like s**t by 6, not being able to sleep.’
Chrissy has been open about her relationship with alcohol in the past. In a 2017 Interview with Cosmopolitan, she said: ‘I was, point blank, just drinking too much.
‘I got used to being in hair and make-up and having a glass of wine. Then that glass of wine would carry over into me having one before the awards show… And then a bunch at the awards show.’
She continued: ‘And then I felt bad for making an a** of myself to people that I really respected.
‘And that feeling, there’s just nothing like that. You feel horrible. It’s not a good look for me, for John, for anybody.’
Family: Chrissy – who has children Luna, four, and Miles, two, with John went tee-total in November last year, one month after her tragic loss
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