It might not seem like much, but this approach to socializing—with a wave when walking through the door or a “good morning” in the elevator—can be a helpful way to start building a new habit that can eventually bring you closer to your coworkers, Dr. Lim says. For people who work in the gig economy without colleagues to keep them company, these interactions could include a quick chat with a customer or another worker in passing.
If you don’t know where to start when it comes to small talk, it can be helpful to remember that everyone generally has something in common with their coworkers, according to Rachel Morrison, PhD, an associate professor of management at the Auckland University of Technology who specializes in interpersonal relationships in the workplace. “By definition, a workplace should be filled with a lot of people who are quite similar to you,” Dr. Morrison tells SELF. “They’ve got a similar career and they go to the same place to work. Those two elements—similarity and proximity—mean that friendship should be possible.” It’s a sentiment shared by Dr. Lim, who says small talk is about getting to know someone a little more, so you can find out if you have a shared experience or similar interest.
In practice, that might look like commenting on someone’s laptop wallpaper of their dog or asking what leftovers they’re heating up in the microwave, which can give you an opportunity to bond over something you both love—even if it is just an obsession with corgis or a love for Vietnamese food. If you’re working remotely, joining a Zoom meeting a minute or two early to chat with whoever is on the call first about their weekend or upcoming vacation (and keeping your camera turned on) can also help build familiarity with the people you work with, Dr. Morrison says.
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Then, look for opportunities to open up a little more.
When looking back on workplace relationships in your past, there’s a good chance some of your strongest came about after bonding over a shared experience, which led you to open up more than you usually would at work. For example, maybe you worked through a company-wide restructure, put in long hours side by side, or traveled to a conference, then spent hours at the airport together waiting for a delayed flight. “Quite often there are these really seminal and intense experiences that bring people together at work,” Dr. Morrison explains.
You can’t force these circumstances, but you can find ways to show a little more of your real self to your coworkers if you want to, creating opportunities to connect on a deeper level. Of course, when you’re feeling isolated in a workplace, sharing your real feelings can be easier said than done. “Opening up can be really hard when you’re lonely because you might go into an unconscious shut-down—when you’re lonely, you’re often more scared of getting rejected,” says Dr. Lim. If you’re feeling nervous, start small: Maybe share a tidbit about a gripping TV show you know you and another coworker are watching, or express a small work frustration you’re struggling with, like a particularly fiddly setting on your video chat.
Be deliberate about the way you connect with others—especially if you’re working from home.
A 2022 study found that workplace loneliness, as a result of working remotely, can make people feel as though they’re lacking support from their coworkers and managers. This support could be the chance to ask a follow-up question after a tense meeting or the opportunity to open up to your boss about something going on in your personal life. “When you’re working from home a lot of those serendipitous and useful conversations, like those that happen by the water cooler, fall away,” says Dr. Morrison.
Source: SELF
