I’m 26, in love with an amazing guy, and very excited about the thought of having a child. My problem is with sex, specifically penetration. I’ve had two attempts at penetrative sex in the past but it felt so uncomfortable it left me for years thinking I had vaginismus. Since then I’ve mostly avoided penetration. However, I’ve realised recently (after being intimate with my boyfriend) that the problem is not physical but psychological. In the past, I was shamed for wanting tampons by my mum, so I didn’t attempt to use one until I was older. I want to move past this problem, but I don’t know where to start and I am so scared.
Everything you are dealing with is treatable, so be hopeful! Your first task – and it is an extremely important one – is to find a physician with whom you feel safe enough to allow a physical exam. This is because it is possible there may be a physical issue that needs to be treated and resolved.
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If physiological factors are ruled out, you can start working on your fear of penetration. If your fear of penetration is so great that you could not allow a doctor to examine you, you must seek some psychological help. Depending on the cause, a qualified psychologist could provide anxiety-reducing treatment, hypnosis, or treatment for trauma or phobic reactions. In addition, a sex therapist could be invaluable. Don’t wait to seek treatment.
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