Every day, you make thousands of decisions—whether you realize it or not. Some have little bearing on your future, like choosing between chicken or carnitas at Chipotle or debating whether you’ll take a bus or Uber back home. Other choices—like starting a small business for your crafty hobby, say, or leaving your cozy hometown and moving across the country—may require a serious pros and cons list.
Weighing so many options and pondering all the potential outcomes can be extremely stressful, especially for those of us who over-complicate even the simple things in life (like figuring out the best route for a road trip or how much to tip your waiter). And the anxiety doesn’t always stop there: Even after you finally choose, you still might be exhausted and drained from all that contemplation, Jenny Maenpaa, LCSW, EdM, therapist and founder of career consulting firm Forward in Heels Coaching Practice, tells SELF.
There are plenty of reasons why someone might overthink nearly everything they say and do, but “analysis paralysis,” as it’s casually called, is usually a symptom of perfectionism, Maenpaa says. “People often find themselves procrastinating and overanalyzing decisions, not because they don’t know what they want, but because they believe they have to make the absolute perfect choice or else they shouldn’t do anything at all.” As a result, “decision paralysis” (another name for this frustrating predicament) can look like being late for work because you couldn’t pick an outfit, or maybe missing out on a vacation because you took too long to actually book the flight and hotel.
No matter how much googling and ruminating you do, though, you’ll probably never know for sure what the single “right” choice is because (as you’ll see momentarily) there often isn’t one. Plus, the fear of messing up can not only stress you out but can also keep you stuck. So the next time you’re tangled up in what-ifs, keep these three tips in mind to overcome analysis paralysis and determine the best course of action—without so much stress and anxiety.
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Break down big decisions into smaller steps.
We’re not talking about choices like which shampoo to buy or what book to read. When it comes to higher-stakes matters, such as choosing your college major or deciding if it’s time to break up with your partner, figuring out what to do can be all the more daunting. If the possibility of picking the “wrong” path for your future is freaking you out, Maenpaa suggests breaking the decision down into simpler, smaller, and less intimidating parts. “Looking at the issue in terms of more manageable and achievable steps can help reduce overwhelm,” she explains.
So, for example, don’t just analyze your romantic relationship from the perspective of breaking up versus staying together (which really isn’t so simple). Instead, start with whether or not your partner makes you happy, for instance, or if the specific argument you’re having is an unsolvable dealbreaker. And for the college major example, the best fit might become clearer if you determine your career goals first, or start by comparing the difficulty (and enjoyability) of different courses.
Ask a friend for a gut check.
We overanalyzers can get so far into our own heads that we become consumed by an unrealistic expectation to find the perfect therapist to “fix” us, say, or the most bang-for-your-buck pair of jeans—to the point where we waste way too much time and energy. When you’re between two options, Maenpaa recommends asking a friend or family member for their opinion. This strategy can help chronically indecisive folks get to an answer ASAP, she says.
