If there’s one thing we know about Donald Trump, it’s that he never backs down from making bold statements — whether or not it has even a grain of truth. From claiming he knew nothing about paying Stormy Daniels to confidently declaring that COVID-19 would “miraculously” disappear, he’s built quite the reputation for himself as an embellisher of facts. But here’s one truth even Trump can’t wiggle his way out of: The man cannot grow a beard, unlike his sons Don Jr. and Eric, both of whom have embraced their facial fuzz. Their dad, on the other hand? Not a whisker in sight. For a guy who’s all about flexing his alpha status, it’s a little ironic that his chin has remained so, well, bare. So, naturally, we decided to give him a little scruff — thanks to Photoshop — and, well, let’s just say we wished we hadn’t.
Now, while we can’t say for sure whether Trump has some deep-seated fear of facial hair, rumors suggest he’s not a fan, which makes his buddying up to JD Vance, who proudly sports a beard, all the more surprising. And then there’s John Bolton, whose trademark mustache supposedly played a part in Trump cutting ties with him. “Donald was not going to like that mustache,” one of his associates told The Washington Post. “I can’t think of anyone that’s really close to Donald that has a beard that he likes.” Pretty rich for a guy whose skin tone is a permanent shade of orange!
Since we’ll likely never see Trump grow a beard, we teamed up with Static Media editors to see what he’d look like with one. The results are, err, very un-Trump-like, and we’re kind of glad it’s all hypothetical.
Trump looks like a completely different person with the beard
Philip Seymour Hoffman, is that you? Seeing Donald Trump with a beard is like witnessing a total identity crisis — and not in a good way. The beard doesn’t just change his face; it does change his overall vibe, and not exactly for the better. In fairness, though, it did make him a bit less Oompa-Loompa orange and, dare we say, slightly more respectable? But to be frank, seeing Trump with anything beyond that gravity-defying hair on his head feels weirdly unsettling. It’s no wonder the man was destined to live a life of beardlessness — because this look is definitely not working, even if it’s a total makeover that could either boost or sink his public image.
While we’re not exactly loving the bearded Trump vibe, the internet seems divided on whether a little scruff could feign respectability. Apparently, adding a beard makes even Trump look a wee bit more credible, as if facial hair alone can make someone fit to lead a nation. “I saw a picture of trump with a beard photoshopped on and it made even him look respectable, so maybe this is a power best left alone,” one person on Reddit said, with another admitting, “Ya I’m not a fan of the guy but bald and bearded trump photoshop actually looked badass.” Honestly, it sounds like the beard’s doing more heavy lifting than we ever expected.
But the burning question remains: Can Trump actually grow a beard, or did he laser it off Kardashian-style in one of his many image makeovers? Given that he’s never admitted to the fake tan situation, we’re guessing this is just another mystery we’ll never get the truth about.
