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Dear God in Heaven. Was that really the President of the United States yesterday, in England? At the funeral of a woman who served her nation with unyielding courage, and dignity for 70 years, he’s…being Biden. With every cringe-worth second that implies.

I thought – if you’ve the early morning stomach for it – I thought might take you through a quick retrospect of his finer moments. Always remember, had any one of these been Trump’s faux pas, the rest of the funeral broadcast would have consisted of little else. Pageantry in the background, while basically an “Elizabeth, who?” for all the wailing focus on the shame the brash, uncultured Orange Man had, yet again, rained down on us as he went abroad. Instead, we hear not a peep.

Ladies and germs – Joe Biden.

“These ‘Sorry’ things are hard, especially when you have to also remember who died. It WAS a girl, right?”

Then there’s that thing known as “being on time.” After bullying the palace to allow Biden to bring the Beast and have his own motorcade, being late should be construed as pretty bad form. Biden has a consistent problem with that here in the states but they can’t start without him. I guess he thought it worked that way everywhere.

It doesn’t.

Best to play it off with a jaunty “Yo, dude, ‘s’up?” poke at the pastor, right?

Poor fellow. That was awkward but mercifully brief. Into the church…and the brakes come on.

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“Oh! President of the United States, are you? Oh, very nice, very nice. Unfortunately, you are slightly tardy to the service and must wait for the valiant pensioners to take their seats ahead of you.”

“Now, sir, you and the missus, may proceed to the 14th row. DO watch your step.”

Queen’s funeral seating plan: Joe Biden shunted 14 rows back, behind the Polish president

…Protocols dictate that, at the late Queen’s funeral, Commonwealth political leaders outrank those from the rest of the world, regardless of their importance. And so it was that Mr Biden found himself 14 rows from the front and nine behind Justin Trudeau, prime minister of Canada, the neighbour that the US normally looks down upon. On this side of the pond, the world order can sometimes turn upside down.

Never one to let an opportunity pass him by, even when ensconced in the bleacher seats, our fearless leader proceeded to do what he does best – faintly revolting, inexplicable public weirdness.

Yes. He’s doing what you think he’s doing.

Half the macabre fun in this exercise is trying to figure out the eyeball trajectory of the people around him. Who’s watching the service and who’s staring in unbelieving horror…at our fearless leader yank on his tongue?

And wondering if – oh, dear God – are they going to have to shake his hand…?

There you have it. Someone had to put it all together.

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