My daughter’s ex-husband has decided that it is safe to take my granddaughter (who is just five) on the back of his motorcycle. He has parental responsibility and there is no prescribed lower age limit (which staggers me), but I cannot believe she has the strength or concentration to hold on safely.
I tried a reasonable and measured approach of asking him to consider the safety, but he stood by his rights to do as he pleased and threatened action against my daughter should we take things further.
I know that probably the only thing I can do is let the matter lie, but the very thought of what might happen is affecting my sleep and mental health. I have no idea where to go next or what the competing risks in escalation might be.
This is a really tricky situation. I edited out some information but I understand you are in a real bind. You feel that if you or your daughter stand up to her ex he may become even more difficult. It wasn’t clear if he has actually taken your granddaughter on the motorbike yet or “just” threatened it. Either way, I found his behaviour worrying.
I consulted two specialists for you. Family specialist solicitor and chair of the Law Society family law committee Karen Dovaston, and Richard Gladman, chief examiner (and a former police driving instructor) of IAM RoadSmart.
You are right that there is – astonishingly – no lower age limit for riding on the back of a motorbike; a child can be carried as a passenger as long as there is parental consent. And that is your issue – her father does have legal responsibility.
There are some rules – passengers must be able to hold on, be facing forward, there has to be a suitable seat for the passenger and the bike has to be fitted with adequate foot rests which the passenger has to be able to safely reach. On a sports bike the foot rests may actually be quite high, so it’s possible that a five-year-old could reach them, but this doesn’t mean they could brace themselves effectively in a crash. A helmet which meets the legal criteria must be worn and, as Gladman pointed out, even if your granddaughter had a properly fitting helmet they weigh 2-3lb and that is quite a weight to put on a five-year-old’s head. (Motorsport crash helmets often aren’t approved for road use, as you can sometimes get lighter helmets for that sport.) If your ex son-in-law doesn’t meet these criteria then he is breaking the law.
You have no legal rights over your grandchild. Dovaston recommended trying to support your daughter in this. She can refuse to let her ex take their daughter out on the motorbike. If he threatens action, you really have to ask yourself: what sort of action? I’m sure he wouldn’t want his behaviour under scrutiny. Whatever he threatens there is the safety of a five-year-old here. As it seems both your daughter and her ex have parental responsibility (are there any court orders?), if they can’t agree over this aspect then your daughter, Dovaston said, does have the option of getting a specific issue order. These are usually used if parents can’t agree on how to exercise their joint parental responsibility, for example, with regard to schooling or medical treatment, but they can also be used here.
If you think he is breaking the law, given the parameters above, then there is also the option of reporting him to the police anonymously when he next goes out riding with his daughter. I feel this is a last resort, but sometimes we are pushed to last resorts.
I think your ex son-in-law is acting selfishly and dangerously if he is taking his daughter out on his motorbike, because even if he isn’t breaking any laws, even if your granddaughter holds on tight and he is the safest driver in the world, there are others who are not safe. And just because there isn’t a specific law against something doesn’t mean you should do it.
Every week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to [email protected]. Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
