Living with migraine is a regular exercise in self-compassion. Sometimes you have to adjust your schedule or cancel plans when a migraine attack strikes. When you’re a parent, it may feel nearly impossible to do that. Instead, you’re expected to care for a little person when you feel like someone is repeatedly smacking you in the face with a hammer.
But you have to take care of you—even if that comes with a serious serving of guilt. “Parents often place the needs of their children above their own needs,” Heather McGinty, PhD, psychologist and clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral health at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, tells SELF. “Many parents have limited support for childcare, so taking time for themselves may feel like something is not going to get done for their family, which can be a source of guilt that pushes people to ignore their own care needs at times.” And, when an illness is chronic, it’s easy to feel helpless when it comes to not being able to be there for your child, she says.
But the truth is, paying attention to your own needs will make you a better caregiver. “If you continue to overextend yourself while you’re in pain, you could feel worse and ultimately be less available for your child,” Thea Gallagher, PsyD, clinical assistant professor of psychology at NYU Langone Health and co-host of the Mind in View podcast, tells SELF.
If you regularly struggle with migraine pain, it’s important to talk to your doctor to see if there’s a better, more effective treatment option for you. As for those nagging feelings of guilt, mental health experts say you can do something about those too. Try these tips to help you deal with parenting guilt when you live with migraine.
READ RELATED: Skyler Simpson Height, Weight, Age, Body Statistics
Try to keep things in perspective.
Children “are very verbal about their needs,” Dr. Gallagher points out, and it can be difficult to realize you can’t meet all of them in a given moment. If your migraine is keeping you from being as present a caregiver as you’d like, Dr. Gallagher recommends putting things in perspective: “Even when you’re feeling well, you can’t meet every single one of your child’s needs all of the time,” she points out. “No one can. Whether it’s work pulling you in a different direction, family obligations, or other kids, it’s just impossible.”
It’s also easy as a parent to focus on the things you don’t do, Dr. Gallagher says, but it’s crucial to factor in what you have been able to achieve. “Step back and think of all of the things you have done for your child,” she advises. Sure, maybe you aren’t able to join an intense game of Chutes and Ladders when you’re in the middle of a migraine attack, but you were able to play the week before. Oh, and you still got dinner on the table.
Use this moment to teach your kids about self-care.
It’s hard to look at a chronic illness like migraine as a positive thing, but try to see it as a teaching moment for your child, Brenda Bursch, PhD, professor of clinical psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA, tells SELF. “Illness episodes provide an opportunity to role model optimal self-care and self-compassion. These are important life lessons for children,” she says.
Source: SELF
