Even though your butt is an erogenous zone (and a beloved one here at SELF), the fact remains that hot sex isn’t its primary function. The anus, a.k.a. your butthole, and the rectum make up the final sections of your large intestine, where shit comes out. So if you’re curious about bottoming but have only used your ass for bathroom purposes up to this point, you might be worried about pooping on your partner.
If that’s the case, know that you’re not alone: Most anal-sex-having people deal with this anxiety in the beginning! Fortunately, the likelihood of that happening is pretty slim, and there are steps you can take to get your backdoor sex-ready. Here’s how to get cleaned up before you get into it. (“It” being your butthole.)
Accept that anal sex might get messy, no matter what you do.
Let’s start by clearing one thing up: Unless you urgently feel like you have to use the bathroom, or you have health issues that affect your gastrointestinal system, you’re probably not going to spontaneously poop during sex. A finger, penis, or sex toy would go in your rectum during anal sex, and that part of your body isn’t where your poop lives. (It’s stored further up and out of reach in the sigmoid colon until a muscle contraction called a “mass movement” empties it into your rectum.)
That said, when poop passes through your rectum and out of your anus, some might get left behind. That’s normal! If you encounter some brown remnants during sex, it doesn’t mean you’re dirty or gross. “Any sort of anal play is going to potentially come with some fecal matter being part of the sexual experience, regardless of any cleanliness routine you go through,” Heather Edwards, MPT, an AASECT-certified sex educator and pelvic floor physical therapist, tells SELF.
This might sound counterintuitive, but to quote Funkadelic, “Free your mind, and your ass will follow.” Before you have anal sex, make sure you and your partner accept that, yes, you might see a small amount of poop. Talk through how you’ll handle that if it happens. Maybe you’ll decide to keep some baby wipes on the bedside table for a quick cleanup, or perhaps you’ll use barriers like gloves or condoms to prevent any fingers, genitals, or dildos from potentially coming into contact with poo. (Barriers can also be helpful if you want to follow anal play with other types of sex using the same body parts. By swapping out barriers in between sex acts, you can avoid spreading bacteria from your butt to places where it doesn’t belong—namely, other orifices—which can cause vaginitis or bacterial infections. In general, you should also check in about safer sex practices beforehand, since it’s possible to transmit STIs through anal play.)
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Having this conversation might feel embarrassing, but setting realistic expectations can help you have a hotter, better time. “The anxiety around having everything go perfectly isn’t going to allow the receiving partner to relax and enjoy it,” Edwards says, and the same goes for the giver.
Wash your crack a few hours before having sex.
The skin around your anus should be clean and debris-free before you get rolling. This is especially important before rimming, which is when you use your mouth to stimulate a partner’s butthole, since you can potentially spread and contract parasites, bacteria, and viruses through “fecal-oral” transmission.
Carlton Thomas, MD, a San Francisco–based gastroenterologist who specializes in LGBTQ+ sex education, tells SELF that your best bet is cleaning just the outside of your hole with gentle, unscented soap in the shower beforehand. If you don’t have time to take a full shower right before sex, use a baby wipe or a bidet, if you have one, to freshen up your crack and remove any toilet paper detritus.
If waxing or shaving your crack is part of your routine, make a point to check for any bumps before having anal sex. “Waxing and shaving may leave the external area very irritated for 24 to 48 hours afterwards,” Dr. Thomas says. That can make sex less pleasurable and more risky: Cuts and abrasions increase your likelihood of contracting STIs, according to Planned Parenthood.
