Similarly, organizations and networks like Planned Parenthood, We Testify, Reclaim, and many more have provided platforms to people who have had abortions to be able to tell their stories for years—and while the impact has been undeniable, to say the movement is complicated is an understatement.
But that doesn’t mean sharing is right for everyone.
A lot of people, such as Ellen R.*, prefer not to be open about their abortions for the unambiguous reasons that it’s just too personal and they feel that no one on the internet is entitled to hear their stories. “The whole situation is a very intimate one between me and my current boyfriend,” Ellen told SELF in 2019. “It’s still very much a part of our lives and our relationship, and my decision not to share is just as much about his privacy as it is about mine.”
Or maybe you don’t want to share your story for fear of negative, potentially dangerous reactions like threats or unwanted attention (more on that soon). Or maybe it’s none of the above. You don’t need a reason not to tell your abortion story online. It doesn’t have to pose a threat to your safety or feel like an invasion of privacy or rub you the wrong way. Maybe it just sounds stressful or unappealing or you just don’t want to. “It’s all totally valid,” says Bonow. “The world is a horrible hellscape, and everyone has to survive however they need to.”
Things to consider when determining whether sharing your abortion story is the right move for you
Even though there are equally valid reasons to share and not to share, it’s not always a simple decision to make—especially now that sharing can also feel like begging both lawmakers and people in your community to recognize your humanity. Here are some things to think about if you’re trying to decide whether to tell your abortion story online.
Consider your motivation and the potential outcomes.
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Dr. Stamoulis’s biggest recommendation is to clarify your goals in sharing your story online rather than through other means. If you’re hoping to gain encouragement or relieve yourself of the burden of a secret, you might want to consider IRL or anonymous alternatives first, like support groups (Exhale, a post-abortion support non-profit, offers free ones), storytelling platforms (like We Testify and the others listed above), or just sharing with trusted loved ones. “Many people find personal disclosures to a vetted, empathetic group to be a powerful and healing experience,” Dr. Stamoulis says.
If your goal, however, is to normalize or humanize abortion care, or perhaps to make others feel less alone, then sharing on social media might be more appealing than telling your story in a more private setting.
Bronbow also suggests trying to avoid posting your story out of feelings of guilt or obligation. In this political moment, as people are voicing their experiences and awful legislative news seems never-ending, it’s understandable that you might feel pressure to add your voice to the conversation. “But I would never frame speaking out about your abortion story as a political or moral or feminist imperative,” she says.
Know that sharing your story may come with some risks to your safety or well-being.
“Social media has the power to generate contentious, mob-like behavior, and it is impossible to predict what post will spark harassment or rage,” says Dr. Stamoulis. And this behavior can pretty easily veer into trolling. “Anti-abortion folks are trolling those who are willing to come out and publicly talk about their abortions at extraordinary rates,” Deana A. Rohlinger, PhD, author of Abortion Politics, Mass Media, and Social Movements in America and professor of sociology at Florida State University, tells SELF. Rohlinger has spent a lot of time researching people who actively target people online because of their beliefs.
Source: SELF
