When it comes to Ina and Jeffrey Garten’s marriage, it’s likely “supportive” is the first word to come to mind. However, it wasn’t always that way. As Ina revealed in her autobiography, “Be Ready When the Luck Happens,” she and Jeffrey actually separated for a while during the 1970s.
As “Barefoot Contessa” fans are likely to know, the Gartens first met as teenagers. Ina has gone as far as telling The New Yorker that her life only started once she and her now-husband had met. At least amongst the general public, many would once have believed that after marrying, the two lived happily ever after right up until now, as Jeffrey is undoubtedly his wife’s biggest fan. Sure enough, though, a few years into their union, Ina had quit her job in the White House to start her grocery store. With that shift to becoming a business owner came a serious change in their relationship dynamic, and old-school gender roles nearly caused a divorce.
Speaking to People, Garten explained of Jeffrey at the time, “It was expected that I make dinner … There were certain things that were expected, that he would pay the bills. There were certain roles that we played … I found them really annoying.” Ina added that she didn’t know exactly how to express at the time that it was so frustrating to her, or how to move forward from there. As such, separating — which she deemed a “pause” — was the only way she felt she could figure out how she wanted her life to be. Jeffrey told her that he was on board with that if a separation was what she needed, and they took an indefinite break.
Ina asked Jeffrey to go to therapy, and he did
While Jeffrey Garten had been open to the idea of separation, it’s safe to say he was determined to win his wife back, right from the start. And, as Ina Garten wrote in “Be Ready When the Luck Happens,” when they met up a few months after putting their relationship on a break, he’d asked what he could do to do just that. Ina’s request? That he head to therapy. Far from trying to avoid it, Jeffrey agreed right away — and Ina wrote that it was a major green flag for her. “Jeffrey’s willingness to see the therapist was as significant as anything that might happen during their session,” she wrote.
Luckily, what happened in the session was productive as well, and Ina told People that he’d understood right away where he’d need to make changes. “One hour, that’s all Jeffrey needed … He went once for an hour and totally got it,” she told the outlet.
Over the course of several weeks, the Gartens found their groove again, and they’ve stayed together ever since. The couple had less rigid roles and even went for stretches of time where they didn’t live together. Such was the case when Jeffrey lived in Tokyo for work (ICYMI, Jeffrey made his money as an investment banker), and Ina only joined for visits. Despite some initial concerns, Garten wrote in her memoir, “I was totally game to try, and the best part was that he wasn’t prioritizing his big-deal investment banking job over my small retail food store job.” Talk about the perfect compromise!
Jeffrey Garten’s life also changed for the better post-separation
Ina Garten may have been the partner to spearhead change in her relationship, but it turns out Jeffrey Garten was also able to breathe a sign of relief once the marriage shifted away from traditional expectations.
In her interview with People, Ina hinted that Jeffrey had realized during the separation that he hadn’t been traveling as much as he would have liked, simply because it wasn’t the expected thing to do at the time. “Jeffrey thought he didn’t have the right to travel so much because he was ‘the husband,'” she mused. Post-separation and that one therapy sesh, that changed. Like we said, Jeffrey ended up moving to Tokyo in the 1980s, but that wasn’t his only stint abroad, sans his wife: he also went on to live in Hong Kong after that. Unorthodox, sure — but as Ina shared in “Be Ready When the Luck Happens,” “Navigating unusual living situations was ‘normal.'”
It’s pretty clear Ina and Jeffrey’s separation was for the best, so it’s no surprise that in her interview with People, the “Barefoot Contessa” star shared that she’d do it again in a heartbeat. “Thank God I did … I think how crazy that was and how dangerous it was, but we wouldn’t have the relationship we have now if I hadn’t done it,” she said. Certainly a detail we didn’t know about the Gartens’ marriage, but more than 50 years in, the lovebirds were clearly on to something. We couldn’t be happier that it all worked out so well for them.
