There’s so much diversity in the Republican party’s presidential ticket: They’ve got the blond-haired, blue-eyed guy on top, and the dark-haired, blue-eyed guy playing second fiddle to the former president. But what if JD Vance’s weird haircut were replaced with a replica of Donald Trump’s hinky helmet of deep-fried, flaxen fibers? Would the American public support a ticket that would provide them with endless “Two blondes walk into a bar” joke fodder?
In Vance’s case, it couldn’t hurt to try something different. Trump gets a lot of grief for having a hairstyle that looks like it takes a monumental amount of time and effort to arrange into its signature swoop, but Vance has taken the art of the dubious hairstyle to a new level. If he asked his Democratic rival in the veepstakes, Tim Walz, to trim the back of his hair with his favorite garden shears, the result would be the same as whatever is going on with Vance’s haircut. Maybe he’s just trying to connect with common folk by rocking a DIY-style ‘do. However, there are better ways to do this, such as encouraging Americans to make their gutters great again, as Walz did on SubwayTakes.
With acclaimed “Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury” star Kevin Sorbo questioning whether Vance should be replaced by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the “Hillbilly Elegy” author needs to come up with some method of appealing to the MAGA base fast. Nicki Swift’s photo editor might have just the fix: a Trumpian makeover.
JD Vance’s new look would be a big hit with Donald Trump Jr.
If Donald Trump’s power lies in his hair and not his lies, all JD Vance needs is some poorly-applied bleach and a lot of hairspray to win the hearts and minds of the MAGA faithful. As you can see, Vance’s rumored eyeliner also pops even more with a blond bouffant. The result of transforming him into Trump’s hair twin is a bit unsettling, but it’s not quite as trippy as Trump with Vance’s eyeliner.
We already know that Donald Trump Jr. likes the idea of his dad’s underlings trying to emulate “The Celebrity Apprentice” star appear-wise. On X, Ron Filipowski shared a screengrab of an image from Donald Jr.’s Truth Social account that imagined what Robert F. Kennedy Jr. would look like with Trump hair. The meme was captioned, “Make America Healthy Again,” so apparently Vance would also be doing his body good by dousing his mane with peroxide.
However, if Vance really wants to look like a guy you can trust to sell you NFT trading cards, Bibles, and golden sneakers, he might want to ditch the beard. “Trump is a clean-shaven guy. He just doesn’t like facial hair,” an insider told The Bulwark. But with blond hair and no beard, Donald might mistake Vance for his very tall son, Barron Trump, having a reverse growth spurt.
