Not unlike Mark Twain, Joe Biden is known for his stories — for real; not a joke.
And on Tuesday, the Leader of the Free World regaled gathered fans with a tale of criminal comeuppance. As it turns out, long ago in Wilmington, Delaware, a group of gangs had a penchant for mayhem. But Joe saw to it that their spree was nipped in the bud. The future Commander-in-Chief clobbered crime with that most effective of weapons, a phone number.
While speaking in Wilkes-Barres, Pennsylvania, he spun his campfire yarn:
“I remember…on the East Side in Wilmington, in one of those old Victorian…three-story apartment buildings. And going up to see an old woman whose name, she’s passed way, but I won’t mention her name now. And staying in that rotunda, that part that stuck out around the building? And she’d say, ‘Joey, I know — I know what’s going on. They all plan it downstairs. I can hear them, but I’m afraid to tell anybody. I’m afraid to tell anybody. The gangs.’ And so, I got her so, that I got a number for the local cops. She called. They promised not to identify her, ’cause they knew there’d be retribution.”
The stunning effect:
“The crime rate began to drop.”
And in case you’re thinking it’s not real…in the event you suspect it’s a joke:
“For real — not a joke.”
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It’s a story of triumph, indeed. For those of a skeptical nature, a few questions might cross the mind:
- Why was the bulk of Wilmington’s crime headquartered in a single apartment building?
- Why did an elderly lady choose to live in Misdeeds Mecca?
- How might a phone call about what one gang had said through the ceiling substantially sock it to the city’s crime?
- Why would the lady’s identification be an issue? Would cops have otherwise foiled the plots of superviallains only to punctuate it with, “Mrs. Smith above you ratted you out”?
- If the events took place in, say, 1962 (when ‘Joey’ was 20), what elderly lady would’ve owned a phone but no phonebook?
- Why was a young Joe Biden “going up to see an old woman” on the top floor of a crime house?
Regardless, it was an interesting story — like ones about Corn Pop and leg hair:
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Those also occurred in Wilmington. With a single phone number, did Joey put an end to ‘bad dude’ Corn Pop?
Back to his Wilkes-Barres appearance, the President’s inspiring account came amid a call to bankroll the Blue.
“When it comes to safety in this nation,” he said, “the answer is not ‘Defund the Police.’ It’s ‘Fund the Police.’”
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Then he blew attendees’ minds:
“There’s bad in everything. There’s lousy senators, there’s lousy presidents, there’s lousy doctors, there’s lousy lawyers.”
And in case you’ve colored him comical:
“No — I’m serious.”
As for funding cops, Democrat Party figurehead Biden may want to have a private word with members:
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Crime is certainly an issue in America, and rightfully-trained law enforcement is critical to the fix.
Beyond that, it’ll take more than a phone number — even one given to you by your much, much younger frequent male visitor, Joey.
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-ALEX
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