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Is life increasingly lonely? Is it more than you can bear? If so, hugs are a quick click away. A cozy companion is waiting; you can soon be hibernating with your honey.

These days, it’s a soft civilization; whereas our world was once filled with the rugged and re-enforced, modernity is comprised of people in need of encouraging assistance. For many, “emotional support animals” such as dogs and cats will do. But what if you sigh over something more sizable? What if you long for a larger furry friend?

Introducing a beefy BFF from a Bulgarian company. He’s your strength, he’s your stability, he’s your stuffed animal.

Per the New York Post:

The Loving Bear Puffy is the shape and size of a male human body — but has the head of a teddy bear.

Puffy is “a very personal product invented by an ordinary woman who is afraid of being alone,” the company [says].

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The Daily Mail delves into the milky-brown bear’s birth:

Puffy is the brainchild of Bulgarian businesswoman Tonia Berdankova, 47, and her 22-year-old daughter, Ina Marholeva. They developed the idea last year, after Tonia was trying to figure out how to manage a lonely summer without her husband Peter, 48, who was working out of town.

…

Tonia says demand has been growing, with sales highest in the Scandinavian countries, the U.S. and, inevitably, the UK.

More from the manufacturer on Puffy’s appeal to birthing people:

We women are often left alone for various reasons. Sometimes it’s a personal choice, bad luck or fate, but we all need someone’s presence or a hug, especially at night before falling asleep or on the couch in front of the TV.

That’s why Puffy is made with a human shape and size to replace as much as possible the lack of physical presence when we need to hug or lean.

Surely the bear’s a big boost to men, too — they’re also by themselves at record rates; lifetime commitments of companionship are on the decline.

Plus, contemporarily, disagreement constitutes hate; opposition is on par with violence. The world must need a whole lot of hugs.

Speaking of affection: For any of you work-at-home corporate stars, Puffy can spoon you while you sparkle…

Of course, select citizens may need to nuzzle something more than a cotton-filled carnivore. In that case, an evolution of sorts is on offer. Consider the sprouting industry of (human) professional cuddling.

From CuddleComfort.com:

Are you a kind, caring, and understanding person who loves to cuddle? Become a Professional Cuddler with Cuddle Comfort and earn great money as an independent contractor. Be your own boss and get paid after each session with flexibility of your own schedule.

Requirements:

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  • You have a photo to attach.
  • You can be affectionate to anyone.
  • You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
  • You should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
  • You understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.

How does it work?

Members on the Cuddle Comfort social network search for people near them interested in cuddling. At this point, we promote your services to them as a safer, more reliable, and more convenient option. They can then message you directly via our platform to organize a session. You can agree to a session straight away or first chat to them before deciding. They will then pay you in cash or via your preferred online method (e.g. Paypal) before the session begins.

“More than 230,000 people from the United States and around the world,” the site claims, “use Cuddle Comfort. We created a platform so you can get a cuddle, whenever you want one, at no cost.”

But if you’re reclusive and ravenous but prefer a plush pal that’s a bear above and a man below, give up your godforsaken grizzly existence and order an inanimate animal.

From Amazon.com:

Puffy gives warmth, hugs and peace. Significantly reduces the feeling of loneliness. You can cuddle him before falling asleep, sleep in his arms, lie comfortably next to him on the couch or lean against him on the floor. … He becomes part of the family and is always at home waiting for you. He doesn’t snore, he doesn’t sweat, and…he doesn’t complain.

And as noted by the Daily Mail, he’s “perfectly house-trained.”

The five-foot, seven-inch bear — who weighs an easily-manageable seven pounds — costs only $160. And you can get him, just in time for Christmas.

As the Amazon listing makes clear, he “replaces the need for the physical presence of a person in various moments and situations of everyday life, especially during long lonely nights.”

Humanity used to be tough as nails, and society was bolstered by families being formed. But now we’re traumatized, marginalized, otherized, and living our best lonesome lives as incels, childless champions, sex-doll doters, and self-loving components of sexual polycules.

Indeed, we’ve come a long way. So smile, grin and bear it, and purchase your very own Puffy. A life of fluffy, fibrous fulfillment awaits.

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-ALEX

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Find all my RedState work here.

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