When Naomi Watts tried to start a family in her mid-30s, her doctors gave her some startling news. At 36, she was in perimenopause, or the years leading into menopause. This not only lowered her chances of having kids, but sent her into a spiral of confusion because no one ever told her that the transition could begin so early.

“I was in shock,” the actor, 54, said in a recent “Go to Bed With Me” video for Harper’s Bazaar.

According to The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), the average age that people start menopause is 51, but some folks begin noticing perimenopausal symptoms such as irregular periods, sleep problems, hot flashes, and mood changes as early as their mid-30s, largely thanks to fluctuations in estrogen levels, per the Mayo Clinic.

In learning more about the transition, Watts also learned her mother had never mentioned that she, too, entered perimenopause early. “I said to her: ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ And she said, ‘Well, these are the conversations I didn’t have with my mother because she never had them with hers,’” Watts recalled. “That just hit hard. It made me realize, wow, this is a secret that has been kept generation upon generation, and somehow everyone’s signed this code of silence, yet everyone’s going there at some point.”

Watts did eventually have two children, but after her second pregnancy, her perimenopause symptoms intensified, she told InStyle last year. She did her best to commiserate with friends, but the disconnect was palpable.

“I felt a little bit alone,” she said in the Harper’s Bazaar video. “I was ahead of them, and I could kind of feel the awkwardness that sort of gave me the message that they weren’t there.”

Now, in her 50s, she is speaking up about her experience so others don’t have to feel as isolated as she did. She also created a skincare line, Stripes, which caters directly to the dehydrated and sensitized skin changes brought on by menopause—vaginal moisturizer (aptly named Vag of Honor) included.

“Why isn’t it talked about? Why do women have to be made to feel like they no longer exist?” Watts said. “I wanted to take the shame out of it.”

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