The internet vetted J.D. Vance and determined Donald Trump might regret choosing the Ohio senator as his running mate. Vance’s behavior has also earned him a shoutout from the Kamala Harris campaign in the form of a savage statement titled, “JD Vance Is a Creep (Who Wants to Ban Abortion Nationwide).”
Vance made some controversial comments about abortion in a 2021 interview with Spectrum News 1. He equated rape victims who get abortions to their rapists, saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” His stance had users on X, formerly known as Twitter, cracking some dark jokes. “Trump should be forced to carry Vance full term. No exceptions,” one person wrote.
Trump infused his presidential ticket with a little youthful vigor and name recognition by choosing Vance as his VP pick. In 2016, Vance gained notoriety when he released his best-selling memoir, “Hillbilly Elegy.” It’s a portrait of Appalachia’s white working class and it doesn’t always paint this demographic in a positive light; Vance suggested that many young, underemployed Appalachian men are lazy (via The Guardian). On X, the Yale grad also criticized Republican politicians for accepting donations from “big tech,” but Vance happily accepted a record-breaking donation to his senate campaign from tech mogul Peter Thiel. However, if anything bothers Trump about Vance, it might not be his hypocrisy or his habit of saying things that offend certain voters. Instead, it might irritate the ex-president that the internet finds Vance downright weird.
The wacky couch rumor that caused internet chaos
J.D. Vance was riding high after being named Donald Trump’s vice presidential pick at the Republican National Convention but he really could have used something to “cushion” his fall when a humiliating rumor went viral. According to Snopes, X user @rickrudescalves furnished the internet with the tongue-in-tweet claim that Vance confessed to having intimate relations with a couch in “Hillbilly Elegy.”
Whether they believed it or not, X users found the fictitious anecdote irresistibly hilarious and made it the joke du jour. “Who hasn’t been excited by the thrill of the chaise?” read one tweet. Another person came up with the perfect lyric for a parody of a Marvin Gaye classic: “When I get that feeling I want sectional healing.” The Lincoln Project also got in on the fun by tweeting a photo of the famous couch from the “Friends” opening credits, writing, “Friends with benefits, amirite @JDVance?”
Unfortunately for Vance, he became an unwitting victim of the Streisand effect when AP News published a fact-check titled, “No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch.” The article was later removed, prompting writer Parker Molloy to quip, “As the AP has now taken down the ‘No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch’ story, I can only conclude one thing…” According to Semafor editor Max Tani, AP explained that the piece hadn’t been properly reviewed before it was published, so the news organization wasn’t confirming or denying that Vance finds valance sofas appealing.
JD Vance made enemies of Jennifer Aniston and cat lovers
While Katy Perry’s bestie Kamala Harris was making the internet go nuts for coconut emojis, J.D. Vance was being haunted by past comments about female politicians and felines. “We’re effectively run in this country via the Democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives,” he said on “Tucker Carlson Tonight” in 2021. Vance got roasted for his litter box-worthy remarks. “Of course JD Vance went off on cat ladies. Have you seen what a cat can do to a couch?” tweeted fictional congressman Jack Kimble.
Some X users pointed out that Taylor Swift is famously a cat owner who has no kids, and it’s never a good idea to give Swifties a reason to bring their claws out. Ron Filipkowski also noted that beloved American icon Dolly Parton is childless — and no one could try to argue that she’s miserable. Jennifer Aniston is another star who has never had kids, and she weighed in on Vance’s words. “I truly can’t believe this is coming from a potential VP of The United States,” she wrote on her Instagram Story (via CNN). Aniston also called Vance out for his anti-IVF stance, noting that it’s something that could potentially impact his daughter someday.
When Vance responded to the backlash on “The Megyn Kelly Show,” women weren’t who he was fearful of offending. “I’ve got nothing against cats,” he said.
His strange, cetaceous search creeped people out
A bizarre story about J.D. Vance’s social media activity resurfaced after he won the GOP veepstakes. In February 2024, Vance tweeted a screenshot of a video that showed a dolphin treating a human woman like a potential mate. “Maybe the internet was a mistake,” he wrote. RawStory was among the outlets that reported on his strange decision to tweet about the video at the time.
Maybe the internet was a mistake pic.twitter.com/vom6c25HfJ
— JD Vance (@JDVance) February 17, 2024
When Vance’s tweet garnered renewed attention months later, “That Thing You Do!” actor Ethan Embry tweeted his observation. “The screen shot he posted has the words Woman and Dolphin in bold, meaning he got on Twitter and searched for that specifically,” he wrote, adding that Vance’s behavior made him a “creep.” Author Timothy Snyder pointed out that Vance was in Germany for the Munich Security Conference at the time of his search, so that was one way he was occupying himself when he wasn’t busy arguing that America shouldn’t be offering aid to war-ravaged Ukraine.
Some X users compared Vance to Chace Crawford’s dolphin-loving superhero The Deep in the Amazon series “The Boys,” and Embry wasn’t the only actor who weighed in on Vance’s ill-advised tweet about the video. “So, it seems JD Vance has been searching for his life’s porpoise,” quipped “Star Trek” actor George Takei.
His awkward brag about doing the Dew
In 2022, the New York Post observed that J.D. Vance was toting around a Big Gulp while campaigning in his home state of Ohio. The outlet opined that it was befitting of his aesthetic, which was that of a politician trying to convince voters that he’s just like them. What wasn’t known at the time was what the large cup contained. Well, Vance might have answered that question during a 2024 campaign rally.
Vance tried to add some pop to a tired joke about liberals by saying, “I had a Diet Mountain Dew yesterday and one today. I’m sure they’re going to call that racist,” per The Guardian. His failed attempt at comedy felt like an awkward way to inform the audience that he consumes soft drinks. “If JD Vance would have simply said ‘Mountain dew’ it would’ve been fine, relatable even. …What kind of sick freak drinks diet Mountain Dew. Alienated every voter base with one line,” read one critique of his soda standup routine.
Per Intelligencer, Vance shames Appalachians for suffering from something called “Mountain Dew mouth” in “Hillbilly Elegy.” However, he apparently sees nothing wrong with guzzling the diet version of the Dew himself. In a campaign video, he even shows off the complimentary Diet Mountain Dew, Snickers bars, and other “crap” he was provided with backstage at an event in Virginia. “This is the energy that powers the presidential and vice presidential campaign,” he said (via Republicans against Trump).
JD Vance trashed Trump a lot
Coming from a television background, it’s not surprising that Donald Trump found himself drawn to J.D. Vance’s most telegenic qualities; according to The New York Times, Trump thinks Vance has “beautiful blue eyes.” Politico also reported that Trump once told his running mate, “You are one handsome son of a b***h,” after they took a picture together.
However, Vance wasn’t so complimentary to Trump before he finally succumbed to MAGA fever. “I’m a never-Trump guy. I never liked him,” Vance said on “Charlie Rose” in 2016. He also slammed the ex-president for being an awful candidate but warned fellow never-Trumpers against telling Trump supporters, “We told you that you were an idiot if you voted for him.” This was one month before Trump won the 2016 presidential election. That same year, Vance suggested the MAGA movement needed to end and compared Trump to a destructive drug in a piece for The Atlantic. “Trump’s promises are the needle in America’s collective vein,” he wrote.
In 2022, Vance’s former college roommate, Georgia State Sen. Josh McLaurin, tweeted one of Vance’s harshest criticisms of Trump. A since-deleted screenshot of a text message from Vance read, “I go back and forth between thinking Trump is a cynical a**hole like Nixon who wouldn’t be that bad (and might even prove useful) or that he’s America’s Hitler” (via The Week). It’s a good thing Trump is apparently a sucker for a pretty face.
