Not only can taking your time in the tongue department help you gauge what works with a new kissing partner, but it can increase connection and satisfaction, no matter how many times you’ve locked lips, Ajjan says.
LaVonne, 59, from Massachusetts, says that, for her, less is more when it comes to tongue but for the partner who gets it right, magic ensues. “Firm but tender, sensitive, urgent with passion and just the tiniest hint of tongue. It’s like finding a long-lost sense of yourself that has been dormant,” she tells SELF.
Amanda, 43, from Illinois, gets lost in a tongue kiss with the right person, too. “If the connection is there, it’s like everything around you stops and you are all in,” she tells SELF.
To give yourself the best odds of hitting just the right amount of tongue, Erin suggests following the other person’s lead (as long as it feels good to you). “Note how far they’re putting their tongue in your mouth, and match it,” she says. Then you can experiment with a little more, and see how they respond.
5. Build your way up to sharing more saliva.
Among people who love French kissing, everyone has a different threshold for intensity. Sharing each other’s saliva can feel very intimate for some people, so it’s best to build your way up slowly, and make sure your partner is enjoying it, too.
Melissa is in the less-tongue-is-better camp. “Don’t use too much tongue because that gets wet and gross,” she says. “No one wants to feel like they’re being slobbered on like a dog.”
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April, 32, from the British Virgin Islands, is in a similar boat. “I hate sloppy kisses—hate them,” she tells SELF. “I love gentle, full smooches with lips and a slight caress of our tongues.”
But it can be a fine line to walk. Annie, 30, from California, notes that using too much or too little saliva can be less than pleasant. She’s all about that happy medium.
Of course, “slobber,” “sloppy,” and “happy saliva medium” are relative terms when it comes to spit-swapping. One person’s overwhelming slobber can be another’s super-sexy, romantic French kissing session. You won’t know how your kissing partner feels about saliva unless you ask. Even something as simple as, “Is this okay?” or “Do you like that?” may do the trick.
6. Don’t neglect other body parts.
What you do with your hands often dictates how passionate kissing can be, and it doesn’t have to be complicated.
For example, Bailey, 33, from Texas, thinks hand placement is about balance. “I don’t want someone to be too grabby and rough, or too soft and timid,” she tells SELF, noting that she’s turned off by both. Jillian, on the other hand, says more is more. “Running his hand down my back? Holding the back of my head? Even a nice butt grab? All about it. Hands are half of kissing.”
To ensure you get the action you’re looking for, don’t be shy about asking for what you want, Ajjan says. (Remember: It’s always good to ask if you’re even remotely unsure about how your partner feels about what you’re doing or want to do—whether it’s touching their body or anything else.)
Source: SELF
