Since being sworn in as vice president in January 2021, Kamala Harris has been under intense scrutiny. However, that ramped up considerably when she threw her hat into the presidential ring following Joe Biden’s election dropout. Every aspect of her life is being analyzed, including Harris’ relationship with her husband, Doug Emhoff.
Emhoff made history as the first-ever second gentleman and Jewish spouse of a president or vice president. Given the nature of the milestones and the malevolence of the 2024 presidential race, it’s hardly surprising the alt-right seized on them as weaponry. The couple has been hit with a barrage of racist, sexist, misogynistic, and antisemitic slurs and memes. Emhoff has also been ridiculed for being married to a powerful woman. Still, he is determined to tackle the rising hatred toward the Jewish community, no matter the toll it takes. “There are some days I don’t want to do it because it’s too hard,” Emhoff told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer in January 2024. “I’m too beat up about it. But my wife, the vice president, has been so supportive, pushing me out there to continue to use my voice and this microphone to push back on the hate, the vitriol of what’s going on.”
When you scrape under the surface, there are some strange things about their marriage — although none relate to the attacks they’re subjected to. We’re looking at the unconventional aspects of Harris and Emhoff’s marriage.
Kamala and Doug’s business-like dating days
Unlike many other new couples in the first throes of love, Kamala Harris and Doug Emhoff’s dating days were far from spontaneous and carefree. In fact, after Emhoff met Harris, he conducted the courtship more like a potential business opportunity than a burgeoning romance. “The morning after our first date, @DouglasEmhoff emailed me a list of his available dates for the next couple of months,” Harris revealed on Instagram in a post celebrating his birthday in October 2020. “He said, ‘I want to see if we can make this work.’ We’ve been making it work ever since.” Well, at least he didn’t ask her to contact his personal assistant to pencil something in.
Still, Harris also did little to add the fairy dust and flowers to their union. Her idea of a hot date would fall flat with most. “Attending a speech about the ills of truancy isn’t exactly what most people think of as a romantic date, but the event was Doug’s coming out — the first time I’d invited him to join me at a professional gathering,” she wrote in her 2019 memoir “The Truths We Hold: An American Journey.”
The two also scheduled a date in their diaries to discuss their relationship progress and decide on a future strategy. “We agreed to commit to each other for six months and to re-evaluate our relationship at the end of it,” Harris shared.
Doug’s unromantic proposal
Doug Emhoff’s proposal to Kamala Harris was far from a fairytale. She wrote about the moment in her memoir, “The Truths We Hold: An American Story.” Harris shared that she was hunting through her closet for a pair of jeans to take on vacation to Italy while pondering a Thai takeaway menu when Emhoff seized the moment. Nothing screams “love!” like some Tom Yum Goong.
“I want to spend my life with you,” he declared. “When I looked up, he was getting down on one knee,” she wrote. “I looked at him there, on one knee, and burst into tears,” she continued. “Mind you, these were not graceful Hollywood tears streaming down a glistening cheek. No, I’m talking about snorting and grunting, with mascara smudging my face.
In Emhoff’s defense, he had planned for things to go down differently. Harris shared that he’d arranged to whisk her to Italy to do the deed in “La Bella Firenze,” AKA Florence. However, the exciting prospect of some prawn crackers got the best of him. “Once he had the ring, it was burning a hole in his pocket. He couldn’t keep it secret,” she wrote. The couple married five months later, in August 2014, in a ceremony officiated by her sister. They swapped vows in the Santa Barbara Courthouse’s mural room, blending cultures with the Indian tradition of exchanging flower garlands and the Jewish ritual of breaking the wedding glass.
Kamala and Doug’s PDAs, gushing interviews and loved-up posts
In stark contrast to many other political spouses, Kamala Harris and Doug Emhoff frequently shout their love from the rooftops and engage in steamy PDAs. And it’s not just a peck on the cheek for these two; they often go full-on lip-lock pash, such as when Emhoff went in for the kill in front of an audience of UCLA students in November 2022.
Harris and Emhoff also regularly give gushing interviews and issue proclamations about their deep feelings on social media and during appearances, proving they are each other’s biggest stans. “We met, fell madly in love (still are), got married and continue to live very happily ever after,” Emhoff shared in a February 2019 post on X. “Happy birthday to my amazing wife and the love of my life. I will always be right by your side. Love you, Kamala,” he captioned a photo in October 2022. “I love my husband. He is funny. He is kind. He is patient. He loves my cooking,” Harris told Now This in July 2019. “He’s just a really great guy.”
Happy anniversary to the man who always knows how to make me laugh. Love you. pic.twitter.com/5cTnEuK1iu
— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) August 22, 2018
Meanwhile, the politician saved the first voicemail Emhoff left her for posterity. “It just rambled on and on. And it was just the cutest thing,” she told Jennifer Hudson in April 2023. “We laugh about it, and it was just the sweetest thing ever,” Harris continued.
Doug’s ex-wife’s involvement in their relationship
When you have children, it’s always a plus if you can maintain a good relationship with your ex after you part ways, something Doug and Kerstin Emhoff excelled at. Still, the two, who are parents to Cole and Ella Emhoff, have managed to take good relationships to a whole other level. Proving that there is no bad blood between them, Kerstin has become his new wife, Kamala Harris’ biggest cheerleader, leaping to her defense after 2021 footage resurfaced of J.D. Vance branding her and other Democratic women “a bunch of childless cat ladies miserable at their own lives.”
“For over 10 years, since Cole and Ella were teenagers, Kamala has been a co-parent with Doug and I,” Kerstin told CNN. “She is loving, nurturing, fiercely protective, and always present. I love our blended family and am grateful to have her in it.” Harris expressed her feelings for Kerstin in a 2019 essay for Elle. “Kerstin is an incredible mother,” she wrote. “Kerstin and I hit it off ourselves and are dear friends.
Kerstin is also a fervent supporter of Harris’ career. She attended her VP inauguration and is totally here for her presidential bid. “LFG!!!! It’s time for democrats to put their differences aside and find common ground. We can’t give up and lose to DJT. ALL HANDS ON DECK!! Kamala Harris for President!” she captioned a pic of Time’s cover showing Harris strolling onto the page in Joe Biden’s footsteps.
Kamala and Doug’s political differences
As Melania Trump has proved, Washington spouses don’t have to share a passion for politics. After all, not every couple follows in the footsteps of “House of Cards,” thankfully. However, some do, as proven by Barack and Michelle Obama and, of course, Bill and Hillary Clinton. Kamala Harris and Doug Emhoff, though? Not so much.
Although there’s little doubt that the second gentleman embraces the same ideology and values as his wife, he’s decidedly lukewarm when it comes to the world of politicking. In fact, aside from voting in each election, Emhoff couldn’t have cared less until Harris was elected vice president. “I was just a lawyer with kids trying to make a living,” he told Marie Claire in October 2020, admitting, “I’m not overly political; I’m overly her husband.”
Still, Emhoff has thrown himself into Washington life headfirst and wholeheartedly. He quit his career as a successful entertainment attorney to concentrate full-time on supporting Harris and making the most of the platform provided to him as first gentleman. And he has no time for alt-right mockery over his choices. “Lifting women up so that they can carry out important roles is a very manly thing,” Emhoff told Korea JoongAng Daily in May 2022. “That is not taking away opportunities from men. I also want to say that Vice President Harris lifts me up and helps me with my duties. We help each other.”
