It’s your birthday. Typically, you haven’t planned anything. The ideal thing your partner can do is:

A Run you a bath, and sit and chat to you until the water gets cold/you fall asleep (whichever happens first).
B Wake up at 5.20am to shampoo the carpets, obviously.
C Take you to the cinema with the sole intention of canoodling in the back row like teenagers.
D Give you a handmade card.
E Ask all your family and friends to send over short video messages wishing you a happy birthday.

You think you’ve sprained your ankle. How can your partner best help you out?

A By leaving work early to wait with you for hours in A&E with a puzzle book bought in the hospital shop.
B Take your parcels to the post office.
C Ice your leg for the duration of Lawrence of Arabia.
D Make you a playlist while you’re stuck on the sofa, then order a takeaway.
E Allay your fears that you’re no fun to be around, even though you most certainly are not.

You’re on your summer holiday. You arrive at the so-called glampsite to realise rain is forecast. Now what?

A Your partner watches the entirety of Conversations with Friends on your iPhone with you inside the tent, without complaint.
B On realising you forgot the brolly, your partner walks to the local town (in the rain) to pick one up.
C Using a YouTube tutorial, your partner de-knots your back until the rain stops.
D They present you with a Cag-in-a-Bag because they actually bothered to check the weather app.
E Rather than blame you for booking a camping holiday in April, they insist they’re having a wonderful time.

Your cat dies. You are heartbroken. How can your partner cheer you up?

A Organise a burial service, just for the two of you. There’s even a wake.
B Take care of the insurance claim and vet’s bills without bothering you.
C Hold your hand throughout the “service”.
D Print a picture of you with your cat and hang it on the loo wall.
E Months after the event, still text you weekly to check you’re OK.

You get home after a heavy weekend with friends. What’s the ideal scenario as you walk through the door?

A Your partner makes you a cup of tea while you regale them with inane stories about what so-and-so did after 14 shots.
B Water, pain killers, and a complex carbohydrate dinner.
C Several hugs.
D Coming home to find they have replaced your dead houseplants with living ones.
E They offset your ‘prangover’ paranoia with by reassuring you that you didn’t make a fool of yourself (you absolutely did).

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Interpreting your answers

Mostly As: you need quality time

Mostly Bs: you need acts of service

Mostly Cs: you need physical touch

Mostly Ds: you need receiving gifts

Mostly Es: you need words of affirmation